Shadows Beneath Misty Eyes
by happytears-21
Summary: I am hurt but I don't show it. I know I have feelings for her but I don't say it. I know I love her… but so do my best friend. So how am I now supposed to feel? ONE-SHOT


Hi! So I am here again posting this new story, hahaha! I really have this urge to write something about the GA already and I really can't wait to make one. It is only a one shot though so it's not that too disturbing for me to insert this beneath my very busy SA fanfic. After I read the manga of this very adorable GA specifically until its very last chapter now which is Chapter 172… I got touched… I mean very super like I'm in cloud nine with a combination of the feeling of hurt, you know what I mean? (-_-) okay, right of course. It's all about our beloved Ruka-pyon and all of his sacrifices until now which really made a mark inside my heart. Okay people! Let's get on with the story! I hope you will enjoy! Please READ and REVIEW!

Summary: I am hurt but I don't show it. I know I have feelings for her but I don't say it. I know I love her… but so do my best friend. So how am I now supposed to feel?

**Disclaimer: Even though it is my first time writing a GA fanfic… I don't own it. only Higuchi Tachibana does.**

**Shadows Beneath Misty Eyes**

Did you ever felt something like butterflies in your stomach? That whenever that person is there you will always feel happy and ecstatic and at the same time nervous? I don't know why but I wanted to kill myself for sometimes stuttering in front of her and making myself more obvious that I like her to everybody in class… except her.

_Mikan Sakura_

She's a jolly person… very. Her radiant smile never fades and infects us with her happiness. I don't know why many call her hair style childish but in my eyes… it's attractive. Her hair is as brown as chocolate and it always smells wonderful. Her eyes complimented her hair because it has the same colors as it. She isn't that tall, just the right size and even though she looked sweet and simple in the outside there's a hidden her inside her that wakes up if triggered and that is one of her attributes that I liked the most.

She speaks what is inside her mind and always cares for everybody around her. She'll die for you if you are one of her friends I tell you so I am doing my best for her not to get hurt… secretly of course but there are times that I have to do it in front of many people and yet she doesn't have any suspicions about any of my feelings.

She has her best friend just like me who is named Hotaru Imai, a stoic one, complete opposite of her but I tell you that they get along pretty well. I just wondered how the two of them get along very well. She usually goes out with everybody and makes them happy; she's our sunshine and my light… a light that shined in my heart and I'm sure it will not fade forever.

She loves everybody but there is this someone whom she loved the most but sadly… it's not me but my best friend.

_Natsume Hyuuga_

Yes, the notorious 'Black Cat'_._ He is the one my love has fallen in love with and it hurts. I am definitely sure that Natsume knows how I feel for her but I don't understand why he pursued to be with her. I felt betrayed but I didn't show it. I admit that seeing them together makes my heart twist in every direction it knows but realization hit me; before jealousy could eat me, I have dissolved it already out of my body.

I have to be considerate in everything. Call me martyr but I just did that for his sake… not for my sake. I know all the hardships he had carried until now but all his burdens felt like transferred to me. He could often smile when she's around and I'm happy to know that. He could express to himself with others now not just like before and the reason behind it was her. He could participate in other activities now because of her.

Because of her, _he changed_ but because of her_ I ached._

Until now, I am willing to accept everything… _their_ progresses, _their _continuous love for each other. I wonder when will be my turn too. I know I may sound like a bad guy now but I love her but so do my best friend. I can't possibly fight with him just because of a girl but it makes me question myself… am I doing the right thing?

I am asking myself always if ever I am doing the right choice. Every night I kept on dreaming about the happiness of all but it makes me ask myself, when will I be happy too? I cared for others but my inner mind tells me that I must be happy too; I also have to care for myself and for my feelings every once in a while which always makes me feel in distressed.

I love her very much but I also love my best friend too. I don't know what to do if you're planning to let me choose from the two of them… I guess I'll just pass from it. I am like a vulture… waiting and waiting… but I wonder if they also felt my presence around them before… I wonder why she couldn't see me the way I look at her.

At first, Natsume and I thought that she's just one of our crazy fan girls rooming around the school waiting for us to notice her but little did we know that she's not like them… she's very different from them.

She never does anything just to make our eyes spun towards her and that silence of her personality made my eyes clear… for the first time… she's the girl that I've been waiting for… she's the first girl that reached into my heart and held it with her warm hands caressing it gently… she's the first girl that I've ever love like this.

Sure you might say that I'm definitely a gentleman so there's no problem with what I am feeling right now. You might say that there are still other girls outside there that are better than her but you're wrong… they're nothing compared to her because she is one of a kind and no one can replace her whatever you might say.

She smiles like there's no tomorrow and thinks first before she act. Her perseverance makes me stop to look at her just to carefully notice every single piece of detail she have. I wanted to hug her whenever she cries but I can't; my hands always betray me every time I wanted to do that and I hate it.

I might sound obsess and very possessive against her but I always wanted her to stay in my side because every time she's away I always think of her and always gets myself paranoid because I worry for her safety. She's a strong girl and I know that but I still can't help but to think of her every time I sense danger around.

I wanted to protect her… but Natsume is a better protector than I am. I wanted to be by her side… but Natsume can fit better beside her. I wanted to hug her always… but Natsume is the only one that can make her tears stop. I wanted her to cry for me… but her precious tears are always reserved for Natsume. I wanted to cry and make her comfort me… but I can't. I wanted her to think of me… but her mind is already occupied by Natsume alone. I love her… but she loves Natsume too. Just by thinking about the fact that my love loves my own best friend… it makes me tremble… it makes me weak and vulnerable… it makes me upset. And add the fact that my best friend loves her back too makes me want to die… I still love her but I still can't change her mind… so what am I supposed to feel?

Am I supposed to feel sad?

Or betrayed?

Or maybe just make myself be a slave of an unrequited love forever?

Am I supposed to feel happy for them even though I know that deep inside me makes me want to cry?

Am I supposed to regret everything that I felt from the start?

Do I have to regret that I love Mikan Sakura?

I can't do that.

I tried to forget her after what I've learned but every time I see her makes me go back to what I felt from the very start. She's everything I need. I even included her to me and my best friend's dream already… even without asking my best friend about it, I know he'll agree because that's also his plan from the very start… he didn't said it to me but I have the guts that is saying it is true. We will live together and no one will ever break our happiness. Together, me, Aoi, Natsume and her. We will be in silence and I'll still be watching over her even when she's surrounded by the arms of my best friend. I'll still be here for her whenever they will have misunderstandings with one another… I'll still be the same with the same feelings as before.

I'm sure it'll never change as years go by because I vowed to myself that I will always love her until forever. I already said that to her but she cried… I don't know what that is supposed to mean.

Does it mean that she doesn't love me back? That's okay. I understand her if that's her reason and I am glad to inform her that I still feel fine, though not perfectly, and I have already accepted it even before I even told her my feelings.

Maybe it means that she's sorry. She's apologizing for not considering my feelings for her. Maybe she's apologizing because she never noticed it until now. She's sorry for not accepting it probably?

I waited for her to say anything… but she didn't say anything and just continued to cry. It hurts you know. Looking at her crying knowing that the reason is me; she just looked at me with those continuous pearls dropping from her innocent, brown eyes. It makes me sick to know that she didn't feel what I feel to her and it made me terrible.

But even though I am rejected by the one I only love… it still love her and will still love her in the future. For now, I'll still be there… I'll still be me in front of her… I'll still be my best friend's buddy and I'll try to restrain my feelings for her so that she will be happy; in my best friend's arms.

All I do is to sigh and wonder when she will consider my feelings but I'm not forcing her to feel what I feel… I'm not telling her to drive my best friend away from her just to be with me.

What an irony. It's the first time I've ever loved a girl this much. It's the very first time a girl made me feel terrible. It's the very first time a girl makes me continue to chase her even though she loves other man. It's the first time… and I'm afraid to let go.

I know that I can't match up with Natsume because of his abilities, characteristics and physical attributes but it doesn't mean that I am going to lose to him. It doesn't mean that I will give her up to him that easily. It doesn't mean that my feelings would be crushed by his feelings for her.

Even when she'll forget me… I won't forget about her and all those memories that we shared together. Until my eyes became misty… the shadows beneath them will I still continue to see clearly. The shadows of me and hertogether will stay there forever and when I can't see no more, I'll still think of her even if she wouldn't think of me.

I hope my perseverance will reach her and one day will realize that I'm better than my best friend… so that it will be me that she'll choose and not him and I hope that she'll be happy together with me.

Even though it will only end up just a dream… I still hope that it will come true. I will hope and wish than someday she'll see me the way I see her. I'll stay here forever and try to reach her so that I won't feel miserable again.

But now, looking at her with smile painted on her face is already enough. I'll try… to be happy that she's happy in his hands but I won't forget to cry just to let out what I feel. For now, I'll just hold myself together so that when the time comes and she'll come to me… I won't be in shambles.

On that day, I know that she'll love me back just like the way I love her but for now, I'll just stay quiet for a while and wait for her. I'll compete with him silently and I'll try my best not to lose… this time… I'll definitely won't let myself lose her… again.

I just want to tell her once again, _Mikan Sakura… I love you and will still love you forever._

Author's Note: So what do you think? Hahaha, I got so much carried because of the relationship of the sweet Ruka-pyon towards our main character. You know, it really makes me cry a lot because he is still hoping even if he already knows that it is an unrequited love. Huhu T_T… makes me really bleed out tears a lot and I just can't help but to write something about it. If ever I just got the chance to talk with the great **Higuchi Tachibana** about the following chapters of the manga of GA I guess I must request to her not to be very tough towards him because my number one reason is it also makes me hurt and it is very terrible looking at him waiting and stuffs like that (sorry people! I am really so sad about it!) I am not anti from MikanXNatsume pairing and actually I like that pairing a lot it's just that I realized that Ruka-pyon is having a very hard time already and so I just wanted to make him feel enlightened for a bit. It makes me depress, argh! But oh well, let's just wait for what will go to happen soon! Please leave me a REVIEW and thanks for reading! Try also to read my SA fanfic which is entitled **Say It Again** which is currently on progress. Thanks! =)


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